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Modern Oedipus Translation: pgs 58-63

Oedipus: Yo! Whats up homeboyz! You're gathered all around. The hood is filled with saddening sounds. Lamentations are sweeping the nation. Speak up now cause I'm losing my patience. Tell me, Tell me, what is being said? Can trust only you, cause you've got cred. The all famous Oedipus is IN THE HOUSE! Hey priest! Old man, I know you're sly and wise. I want to know how everything lies. Speak! Are you here in courage or simply here to cry. If you asked me I would do the same. All you'd have to do is shout out my name.

Priest: Lord Oedipus you have seen the young and old gathered here around the alters. The storm is upon us, my brothers! Our poor country can stand it no more! Pestilence is storming our land. Pestilence. Our crops are dying, and our women can bear us no children. I have seen the blight, my brothers! We know you are only homan Lord Oedipus. You who killed the sphinx, you have become our hero. you have been touched, touched, by God. Let us rejoice, my brothers! Let us pray, Lord Oedipus! Let us pray for all of our children. Come, man amoung boys, our saviour, and bring us to the promise land!

Oedipus: Yeah, I know what your sayin. I dig it. I feel for my entire Thebian posse. I'm on the situation. I've got it handled real well. I asked my bro-in-law Creon to check out the Pythian shrine and ask Phoebus, "What's up? What do I have to do, to save brothers in the hood?"

Priest: What words. What words! You speak the truth, wise Lord Oedipus. Look yonder; my brothers. Creon approaches. Like Moses through the red sea. Surely he brings news that will liberate us from this oppression.

Oedipus: Man, look at the smile on that dog's face. He's got the truth. He's got the solution straight from Apollo.

Priest: He's seen the light. He's heard the word. He brings us glorious enlightenment. For his face shows no dismay. Just the glory of God

Oedipus: We can stop thinkin and speculating, you know? He's within shouting distance. He can tell us straight up. Shoot man, what's going on with Phoebus?

Creon: I'zz bringz ou goodz newzz. All newzzz is good newzz desvite howv bcvad it ight seem at virst.

Oedipus: Yeah. You know the way you say that has me pumped, but I don't exactly need a change of underwear. What's up with God?

Creon: Itz a vit crowvded hier. I canz tell zou hier or in priwvat if zou feel like it.

Oedipus: Yo! It's everyone's problem. Speak up, foo!

Creon: Ziz is vhhat Phoevus said; hier in zis city of Zebees zere vas a bad vincident. Be must destroy zis eevell.

Oedipus: What misfortune are ya jivin about? Y'all is mad stupid.

Creon: Zere must be a banishment. Ze eye for ze eye. Tiz ze murder zwhat put misforune on Thebes.

Oedipus: Blood fo' what blood. Who wuz ganked?

Creon: Zere vas a former vruler before zyou. Laius.

Oedipus: Ah hear o' him but ah haven't seen him, Ya' dig?

Creon: Ze man died and vApollo saiz zat ve msut punish ze merdirers vic wengeance.

Oedipus: It'll be hard ta find da murderer since he ganked so long ago, Jus' like my man OJ. Where can we's find him?

Creon: Zere in Zebes said Phoebus. Ve must look in zorfer to findz im.

Oedipus: Novody seen anythin'? Nobody jet wiff him? Nobody has 411?

Creon: All zof ze men zat vent vith him, were killed. One who deen't die came back and zed zat e saw nothing. He knew vone zing onlee.

Oedipus: What one thing? Tell me. We's need ta know every info.

Creon: Ze king vas killed by a group of ze robbers.

Oedipus: What other then money brought da robbers, how could dis here come from Thebes?

Creon: Zere have been some zoughts about zzat. Hovewer, zere iz no vinformation.

Oedipus: What do ya mean nobod knows anythin'. It wuz da king who died.

Creon: Ze kinsg died while ze sphinx came to ze city that wuz no time.

Oedipus: Then I will clear up dis here matter and deliver the murderer on a platter. This affair is bad for Thebe's health, so i will solve this for myself. Up now my homies, no delay! If you want to help Oedipus, then do as I say. Gettin' Jiggy with it ,Na, na, na, na, na, na, na!

Priest: We have heard the word from Lord Oedipus, Let us go my brothers and sisters. Gether your children for this is the day the lord has made. King Oedipus has answered our woes and our sorrows. Apollo has stopped the prophecy to stop this blag and keep back the devil.

Chorus: Zeus. Hey man, talk to me bro. I'm, like, real eager, and scared of you dude. I think I just peed in my trunks cause of your sheer awesomeness. What kind of a problem are you giving us here? Am I going to have to, like, do some work to sort this thing out? Did someone rip you off in ancient times and now we're getting nailed for it? If so it's not my problemo, but I'll do my best to fix whats wrong.

Chorus: Tell me your secret, Pracle of gnarlyness, Daughter of golden hope. First I call o your babalicious daughter Athen, and then her badass yet equally babalicious sis Artemis. Oh yeah! Apollo, I guess I call on you too. Even though I hear your more of an arrow shooting guy than a surfer like myself. It would be really cool if all three of you would appear now cause I hear you guys used to bust in in Ancient times and make everything better. Could we like have a deja-vu thing happen now? I don't think anyone can even appreciate just how bad I feel. Ifeel sad to the infinity plus one. I see my fellow dudes and dudettes and they are just fellin the burn bigtime, yet I can't don anything about it. ust the other day my friend was telling me how he and his girl were trying to, you know, make babies. It just wouldn't happen. He was really embarressed. I think he needs viagra. The furit aint growing either, but even worse, the waves just aren't flowing. These problems are just too much for me to handle. The city is dying. The bodies are laying around, decomposing and spreading really unrighteous diseases. I think I stepped in something the other day. It was really gross. People are acting like jerks too. They cry for themselves no those who died. goden one, send us your daugher to save us. No offense. your cool but I hear she's even hotter than those baywatch girls. Hey man, it would be the coolest if you could send off this plague and pestilence thing. It's like that very unrighteous War-God has invaded. Scare him away from are village. Far away would be cool, like maybe the sea palace of Amphritite which is by the Thracoam sea. I hear they have some wicked waves there. There you could use your really impressive lightning powers to wipe him out. I mean, he isn't cutting us any slack why should you. You could tame him hands down, Zeus. I hear Bacchus is a party animal. Maybe he could come and we could rejoice and have some good times after you've gotten rid of this plague thing for us.

go to part two

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